This has to be one of the top ten pleasures in life. Waking up at the usual 4:45 am and finding about 3 inches of new snow on the ground. Now in some areas of the country, it would be a typical winter morning...but in the great Pacific Northwest it means a SNOW DAY. I turned on the news and watched with anticipation and sure enough...no school today! And I hate to take credit...but this was another answer to prayer.
Friday was the last day of the semester. Tomorrow is the first day of the new semester. I have two new classes this semester (Civics and 10th grade English). I am not prepared for either one. I had a busy weekend...basketball games Thursday night (Zack scored 15 points, by the way), Friday night and Saturday (from 2:00 until 9:00). After church yesterday I went to a friend's house to do laundry ( I MUST get a working wash machine) and graded papers while I washed and waited. Came home at 9 and continued grading until 2:00 AM. I HAD to get them done. As I was heading off to bed, I heard the weather saying there MIGHT be some precipitation between then and Tuesday. I whispered a prayer, "Please let it be tomorrow". THANKS GOD!
So, I will now record all the grades I graded and have time to plan some lessons for this week. I might even get a couple more boxes unpacked while I'm at it! And all of this will be done in sweats. What could be better?
Have a great week.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday Tuesday
I love three day weekends...but then today becomes a "Monday Tuesday". I don't care how you look at it, even though the calendar says this is a Tuesday and you know tomorrow will be a Wednesday...today is Monday.
I feel like I may be at the end of my "blah" period. The fact that the sun was shining most of the
day yesterday probably helped. It's also drawing close to the end of the month and the end of January means that we can get through February pretty quickly. Once March hits, you know spring can't be too far behind.
My weekend didn't go quite as scheduled (do they ever?)...but it was a good one. Was it productive? Not as productive as it should have been, but I did find a great deal on 3 new blouses/shirts and haven't bought myself any clothes for a very long time. That brightened my weekend. I also got a new haircut and I must say, I look a little like Harpo Marx...but that's what happens to short, naturally curly hair.
It's going to be a busy week...end of semester, papers to be graded, grades to be recorded...but I'm not sweating it. It will all get done.
Hope your week is a great one!
I feel like I may be at the end of my "blah" period. The fact that the sun was shining most of the
day yesterday probably helped. It's also drawing close to the end of the month and the end of January means that we can get through February pretty quickly. Once March hits, you know spring can't be too far behind.
My weekend didn't go quite as scheduled (do they ever?)...but it was a good one. Was it productive? Not as productive as it should have been, but I did find a great deal on 3 new blouses/shirts and haven't bought myself any clothes for a very long time. That brightened my weekend. I also got a new haircut and I must say, I look a little like Harpo Marx...but that's what happens to short, naturally curly hair.
It's going to be a busy week...end of semester, papers to be graded, grades to be recorded...but I'm not sweating it. It will all get done.
Hope your week is a great one!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Blah
Is blah really a word? Right now all I know is that it's a feeling. It seems like I have a pattern of getting the blahs every year about this time. I'm not depressed...but feel right on the edge of depression. I don't feel a lot to be excited about. I feel overwhelmed. I feel like crawling back into bed, pulling up the covers and just hanging out there a few days. I don't feel social...I don't feel successful...at anything. The list goes on.
In previous years I felt like I had a reason. This year I really don't. God has blessed me so much this past year. So, right now I feel guilty along with "blah".
Guess I have to give myself permission to not be "up" all the time. I know that what I'm feeling is a mixture of after-holiday letdown, end of semester pressure, and a lot of "I can't wait until spring" anxiety. So, I'm human. God doesn't say that everyday is going to be sunny and bright. He doesn't say that I have to be Miss Cheerful all the time.
This weekend (a 3 day), Zack is with his Dad and I'm going to take care of me. I still have boxes to unpack...but they've waited this long. I'm going to sleep in, maybe stay in my pj's all day Saturday, and just generally have a really lazy day. I even heard rumors that the sun may come out this weekend. (It really doesn't do that a lot in the Pacific Northwest during the month of January.) Hopefully that will help.
Have a good day.
In previous years I felt like I had a reason. This year I really don't. God has blessed me so much this past year. So, right now I feel guilty along with "blah".
Guess I have to give myself permission to not be "up" all the time. I know that what I'm feeling is a mixture of after-holiday letdown, end of semester pressure, and a lot of "I can't wait until spring" anxiety. So, I'm human. God doesn't say that everyday is going to be sunny and bright. He doesn't say that I have to be Miss Cheerful all the time.
This weekend (a 3 day), Zack is with his Dad and I'm going to take care of me. I still have boxes to unpack...but they've waited this long. I'm going to sleep in, maybe stay in my pj's all day Saturday, and just generally have a really lazy day. I even heard rumors that the sun may come out this weekend. (It really doesn't do that a lot in the Pacific Northwest during the month of January.) Hopefully that will help.
Have a good day.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Surpr-eyes... Surpr-eyes....Surpr-eyes....
No, I haven't forgotten how to spell...just wanted to sound like Gomer Pyle. This has been a week of surprises...and it looks like they may continue.
Surprise #1...Came back to school last Wednesday after a very busy (and somewhat emotionally draining) holiday to find that our school has been sold...lock, stock and barrell. Seems we were in worse financial trouble than the staff had actually been told and the only way out was to sell to another Christian school. We all believe this is a good thing...the school that bought us is very reputable and appears to run their facilities well. But, there is always trepidation of the unknown. We were told that they want to maintain our school's history and heritage...but there will be some changes. First thing that had to happen was to cut $100k a month of overages. I think we all realized that would be staff cuts, but that doesn't make it easier. The cutting has begun and has included a couple more surprises. That puts all of us on the edge of our seats. Today will be our first staff meeting with the new administration...and I think all of us are anxious to hear more details about the changes to come.
Surprise #2...Came home Monday evening to no heat. Nothing, nada, zilch...temperature outside was around 34 degrees, inside it felt like 32. We both bundled up for the evening, lit a fire in the fireplace and found it very difficult to hop out of bed Tuesday morning. (especially when we woke up to 3 inches of snow!) This house has oil heat. Someone told me it was much more efficient. Well, I think I could deal with a $150 electric bill better than I can a $400 oil bill...especially when I just had it filled on December 5. So, money I had set aside for this month's rent is now gone which means all of it has to come out of next pay check which will leave us very little for the next 2 weeks. I had been told that most families of 4 have to fill a 300 gallon tank twice a year...yesterday when I called for another 100 gallon, the lady said that that's true, however, one filling (300 gal.) usually takes place in November and lasts for about 3 months. Then the next filling lasts for the rest of the year because the heat is not as necessary. So, have to work another 100 gallons into the budget after this month. As cold as it has been and as many drafty spots as we have in this house will eat up this 100 gallons in a month or less.
This weekend, I plan on putting plastic over every window in the house. I am not worried about appearances at this point.
How we handle life's surprises and ups and downs helps us realize where we are on the "faith maturity" level. Sometimes I find myself feeling very immature in that area. I am working on facing these surprises without overreacting...without saying "why me?"...without questioning God.
Wish I wasn't so human.
Surprise #1...Came back to school last Wednesday after a very busy (and somewhat emotionally draining) holiday to find that our school has been sold...lock, stock and barrell. Seems we were in worse financial trouble than the staff had actually been told and the only way out was to sell to another Christian school. We all believe this is a good thing...the school that bought us is very reputable and appears to run their facilities well. But, there is always trepidation of the unknown. We were told that they want to maintain our school's history and heritage...but there will be some changes. First thing that had to happen was to cut $100k a month of overages. I think we all realized that would be staff cuts, but that doesn't make it easier. The cutting has begun and has included a couple more surprises. That puts all of us on the edge of our seats. Today will be our first staff meeting with the new administration...and I think all of us are anxious to hear more details about the changes to come.
Surprise #2...Came home Monday evening to no heat. Nothing, nada, zilch...temperature outside was around 34 degrees, inside it felt like 32. We both bundled up for the evening, lit a fire in the fireplace and found it very difficult to hop out of bed Tuesday morning. (especially when we woke up to 3 inches of snow!) This house has oil heat. Someone told me it was much more efficient. Well, I think I could deal with a $150 electric bill better than I can a $400 oil bill...especially when I just had it filled on December 5. So, money I had set aside for this month's rent is now gone which means all of it has to come out of next pay check which will leave us very little for the next 2 weeks. I had been told that most families of 4 have to fill a 300 gallon tank twice a year...yesterday when I called for another 100 gallon, the lady said that that's true, however, one filling (300 gal.) usually takes place in November and lasts for about 3 months. Then the next filling lasts for the rest of the year because the heat is not as necessary. So, have to work another 100 gallons into the budget after this month. As cold as it has been and as many drafty spots as we have in this house will eat up this 100 gallons in a month or less.
This weekend, I plan on putting plastic over every window in the house. I am not worried about appearances at this point.
How we handle life's surprises and ups and downs helps us realize where we are on the "faith maturity" level. Sometimes I find myself feeling very immature in that area. I am working on facing these surprises without overreacting...without saying "why me?"...without questioning God.
Wish I wasn't so human.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
My Time
Time...hours, minutes, seconds...sometimes I think that there is no time for me. I make a plan to use MY time (wisely or not so wisely)...and somehow it gets used elsewhere. Zack is with his Dad this weekend, so in my mind as I am planning my weekend, I have lots of time. But, somehow, it always goes to someone else.
Friday evening...Zack has basketball practice until 5:00. Then I have to cart him to his Dad's house. I do 75% of the transporting and it's a 25 mile trip one way. It wouldn't be so bad except that there is NO PLACE in the great NorthWest where traffic is NOT an issue. (At least, no place that I have found.) Fridays are the worst. So, a 50 mile round trip can't be done in an hour...on a good day, I can sometimes do it in 2 hours, but usually closer to 3. Needed to hurry back to go to a movie with a friend I have been promising for weeks. As I was rushing back, she called to reschedule for Sunday afternoon. I don't know why I couldn't have just said, "Sunday isn't really good for me." But, that's where I need to learn to speak up for my time. So, got home and thought about starting to take down the Christmas decorations or doing lesson plans...but Friday evenings I am usually drained...emotionally, physically, etc. And this week was an emotional one (another story for later)...so, I fixed a nice dinner for myself and plopped into a chair to enjoy "Friday Night Lights" and could barely keep my eyes open until 10:00 PM. (Remember when we were young and could actually stay up until 2:00 AM on Fridays?)
Saturday morning: Up early and out for a National Honor Society brunch. I am co-advisor because, hey, I have nothing else to do with my spare time. The plan was to leave there at noon and head for home to get all Christmas down, START unpacking boxes (gee, I only moved on the 15th of December...did you really think I would be unpacked yet?) HOWEVER, as I was leaving the brunch, I got a phone call from ex. Zack was going to be allowed to play in his basketball game afterall. (another long story which will probably not be told, but has to do with the mental torture ex loves to put Zack and I through). So, instead of heading home, headed for the school and a really good basketball game (which we sadly lost by a great 3 point shot in the last minute). Instead of leaving right after that game, we let Zack stay and hang out for the girls game and went to Costco. I finally got home at about 4:00. I started taking down decorations...and worked until about 9:00. Had to quit then to make a quick run to K-Mart...never quick...and got back home at about 10:30. Did some more un-decorating while I watched a SAD Hallmark movie. Then went to bed.
So, here it is, Sunday morning at 7:00 am. I still have a Christmas tree (half decorated) in my living room...still don't know where the box is with clean socks...and have a butt load of stuff to do. I am supposed to be at church in 2 1/2 hours...stay for a meeting after church, go back for another meeting/party at 6:00 pm...go to a movie sometime during the afternoon...AND get the decorations down, living room stuff situated, make a path in the "box" room and at least know where some of the stuff we need is, get lesson plans done for the week and go back and pick Zack up sometime during all of that.
See what I mean about time? So, what I have decided to do...sometimes you just have to step out and take control...I'm skipping church. I really do have a huge headache. But, if I go, I will sit there thinking about all I have to do and how I'm not going to have time to get it done...I will not concentrate on God or on the message or anything. Instead, God and I are going to commune to some great music and prayer while I commence to "undecorate" and get some lesson plans done. I think I can at least have that done by 2:00 before I head out for a movie (that I will probably sleep through).
Looking at the calendar ahead of me...the next "free time" I may have is next Saturday. I'm not even going to think about planning it out.
Friday evening...Zack has basketball practice until 5:00. Then I have to cart him to his Dad's house. I do 75% of the transporting and it's a 25 mile trip one way. It wouldn't be so bad except that there is NO PLACE in the great NorthWest where traffic is NOT an issue. (At least, no place that I have found.) Fridays are the worst. So, a 50 mile round trip can't be done in an hour...on a good day, I can sometimes do it in 2 hours, but usually closer to 3. Needed to hurry back to go to a movie with a friend I have been promising for weeks. As I was rushing back, she called to reschedule for Sunday afternoon. I don't know why I couldn't have just said, "Sunday isn't really good for me." But, that's where I need to learn to speak up for my time. So, got home and thought about starting to take down the Christmas decorations or doing lesson plans...but Friday evenings I am usually drained...emotionally, physically, etc. And this week was an emotional one (another story for later)...so, I fixed a nice dinner for myself and plopped into a chair to enjoy "Friday Night Lights" and could barely keep my eyes open until 10:00 PM. (Remember when we were young and could actually stay up until 2:00 AM on Fridays?)
Saturday morning: Up early and out for a National Honor Society brunch. I am co-advisor because, hey, I have nothing else to do with my spare time. The plan was to leave there at noon and head for home to get all Christmas down, START unpacking boxes (gee, I only moved on the 15th of December...did you really think I would be unpacked yet?) HOWEVER, as I was leaving the brunch, I got a phone call from ex. Zack was going to be allowed to play in his basketball game afterall. (another long story which will probably not be told, but has to do with the mental torture ex loves to put Zack and I through). So, instead of heading home, headed for the school and a really good basketball game (which we sadly lost by a great 3 point shot in the last minute). Instead of leaving right after that game, we let Zack stay and hang out for the girls game and went to Costco. I finally got home at about 4:00. I started taking down decorations...and worked until about 9:00. Had to quit then to make a quick run to K-Mart...never quick...and got back home at about 10:30. Did some more un-decorating while I watched a SAD Hallmark movie. Then went to bed.
So, here it is, Sunday morning at 7:00 am. I still have a Christmas tree (half decorated) in my living room...still don't know where the box is with clean socks...and have a butt load of stuff to do. I am supposed to be at church in 2 1/2 hours...stay for a meeting after church, go back for another meeting/party at 6:00 pm...go to a movie sometime during the afternoon...AND get the decorations down, living room stuff situated, make a path in the "box" room and at least know where some of the stuff we need is, get lesson plans done for the week and go back and pick Zack up sometime during all of that.
See what I mean about time? So, what I have decided to do...sometimes you just have to step out and take control...I'm skipping church. I really do have a huge headache. But, if I go, I will sit there thinking about all I have to do and how I'm not going to have time to get it done...I will not concentrate on God or on the message or anything. Instead, God and I are going to commune to some great music and prayer while I commence to "undecorate" and get some lesson plans done. I think I can at least have that done by 2:00 before I head out for a movie (that I will probably sleep through).
Looking at the calendar ahead of me...the next "free time" I may have is next Saturday. I'm not even going to think about planning it out.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Did I say something about being a better mother?
That's the way it goes, you set a goal, and suddenly you face a challenge. My challenge is 14 years old and his name is Zack. Every once in a while, I look at him and think "where did he come from?". It's been a long time since I was 14. And when I was 14, I still feared "the hand". Not the "talk to the hand" hand...but the one that suddenly jumped out at my head if I DARED roll my eyes, talk back, or somehow LOOK like I had attitude. I live 3000 miles away from that "hand" and still shrink back from the phone if I feel like I say something that might sound a little disrespectful.
I tried to be different as a Mom. I love my Mom, but she had a lot of issues and many of them came out in her disciplining her children. I have obviously not instilled a lot of fear in Zack. I'm ok with that (most of the time).
He is becoming more independent...at least when it comes to me. That's a natural step at this age. I'm sure there are books written about it. I'm not the person he wants to spend his free time with. I knew that would come eventually. I knew there would come a time when he'd rather do anything else than hang out with his Mom. And I thought I was ready for it...but I'm now wondering if you are ever ready for it.
I still want to stay connected. I told him yesterday that we would be spending some quality time together from now on. We need to stay connected. His response? "Geez Mom, we drive together to school and home. I'm in your class. You see me all the time. " So, I have a feeling this "quality time" that I am planning with him will be under duress...but that's my job. I want to stay connected...and have to stay connected.
I wonder if God feels the same way with his "kids"? Spending time with Him daily sometimes becomes a chore, yet it's one that I have learned (finally) that I HAVE to do. And to maintain a better relationship with my son, as well as becoming a better mother...I first, have to become a better child. Hmmmmmm.
That's something to think about.
I tried to be different as a Mom. I love my Mom, but she had a lot of issues and many of them came out in her disciplining her children. I have obviously not instilled a lot of fear in Zack. I'm ok with that (most of the time).
He is becoming more independent...at least when it comes to me. That's a natural step at this age. I'm sure there are books written about it. I'm not the person he wants to spend his free time with. I knew that would come eventually. I knew there would come a time when he'd rather do anything else than hang out with his Mom. And I thought I was ready for it...but I'm now wondering if you are ever ready for it.
I still want to stay connected. I told him yesterday that we would be spending some quality time together from now on. We need to stay connected. His response? "Geez Mom, we drive together to school and home. I'm in your class. You see me all the time. " So, I have a feeling this "quality time" that I am planning with him will be under duress...but that's my job. I want to stay connected...and have to stay connected.
I wonder if God feels the same way with his "kids"? Spending time with Him daily sometimes becomes a chore, yet it's one that I have learned (finally) that I HAVE to do. And to maintain a better relationship with my son, as well as becoming a better mother...I first, have to become a better child. Hmmmmmm.
That's something to think about.
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