Miracle Month

I began this month declaring it a month of miracles and they have just kept coming.

During the last 5 years, God has never failed to take care of our needs. We didn't always have room for a lot of "wants"...but as I've said before, we've never been hungry or without a home and friends. And the giving continues.

I was a little concerned about the fact that September was going to be long month without a pay check. I was told yesterday that this school actually pays twice a month (very unusual for education). I will actually begin receiving pay on September 5th!

Teachers have to supply a lot of their own classroom supplies...that's why school needs lists have grown so much over the years. (Yeah, remember when we just had to show up with pencil and paper?) I knew I was coming in with a few supplies, but still had a lot of supplies that were needed. First, my friend Jimi, (boss at mortgage company) told me that she wanted to do something special for me for some extra work I did a few weekends ago. She told me to order some supplies from Office Express and those come in today. Then I came into a classroom with not one, but two, retired teachers' leftovers. Now, I had to throw away a lot...but ended up with staplers, tape, paper clips, colored paper, white paper, markers, pencils, pens, bulletin board supplies, etc. I looked around yesterday and realized that I really don't need anything else for a while.

Zack's laptop broke. It was pretty old, but I knew I wouldn't be able to replace it. Yesterday, room-mate told me that she has an account with Walmart-online that is empty and told me if I would like, I could order a laptop for Zack and make the payments (I can't get credit of any kind). So, Zack is getting a new laptop for his birthday! (14 on Sept. 8...that's another blog for another day)

OK, so the Red Sea hasn't parted...but I know those are miracles straight from God!

I can't tell you how I am truly feeling right now. This time of year has been very difficult for me for the last few years. I love teaching! It has been so tough to watch the school year start and know that I wasn't invited to the party. This year I am going to the party!

I have decided that this month of miracles has been so successful, I am going to extend it. (with God's help, of course) I am believing that September is going to be another month of miracles...I have a couple of friends with cancer...I'm looking for some big ones...but I have a GREAT BIG GOD!

Let the miracles continue!

I'm still here

Sorry all, I have been soooo busy! Obviously I had a lot more time on my hands at the mortgage company.

This week has been a whirlwind and will continue to be such. The school is in the last stages of renovation, so everything is a huge mess. I look at it and once again am amazed at the thought that it will be all done by Tuesday when the kids start filling up the hallways and the classrooms.
My room just happens to be the room where the construction workers store all of their supplies, so I haven't really been able to get up any bulletin boards or decorations yet. Also, the teacher who occupied the room previously must have left in a huge hurry. The desk and all the file cabinets were completely full of stuff. Then another teacher who was retiring had all of his stuff "shipped" to my room...desk, files and about 20 boxes of miscellaneous books. He too, must have left in a hurry because his desk and file cabinets were completely full too. So, I spent Monday and Tuesday hauling trash. Tuesday afternoon I actually got a couple of hours to start filling up my desk and file cabinets and got a dolly and started hauling stuff up and out of there. I have been working hard.

Then I come home in the afternoons and continue working on lesson plans. Since I am teaching 4 different subjects (8th grade US History, 11th grade US History, 9th grade Geography and 12th grade Contemporary World Issues) I have a lot of planning to do. I want to get far enough ahead that I don't feel constantly overwhelmed. The good news is, once I get the original plans done they are good for years to come....just have to tweak a few things here and there.

I wish I could explain to you how much fun I am having. It's hard work and I'm definitely tired when my head hits the pillow...but it's SO MUCH BETTER knowing that I'm where I want to be and doing something that I know I love and am really good at. (I would want me for a teacher anyway.)

Hang in there. My posts may not be as frequent for a while...but I'll get back to it on a regular basis as soon as possible.

Perfect Ending

On the day I began working here (at the mortgage office), my friend Jimi (owner) gave me a gift. It's "Bedside Blessings" by Charles Swindoll. I never took it home. I just left it here and each morning I made coffee, changed my calendar page and read the daily message. So many days the message has been exactly what I needed to read that day. (Isn't God great?!)

Today is my last day here. Here is a piece of today's reading: "(God promises us hope.) So if you want to smile through your tears, if you want to rejoice through times of suffering, just keep reminding yourself that, as a Christian, what you're going through isn't the end of the story...it's simply the rough journey that leads to the right destination."

How very true! These past years I had that hope to hold on to. I got depressed and discouraged and enraged and sad...yet I always believed that God had a destination for me and I just had to keep believing in what He has promised. That's what made me hold on to my sanity, knowing that God has a plan. (thus the title of my blog)

I'm not "there" yet. I know that. I am going into a new phase of life with my new teaching job...but I'm still a progress in work. (some days not much "work" gets done)

This life is still in the planning stages.

Being Significant

I'm going to blow off a little steam here...but it's another good life lesson. (Sorry it's long.)

I took the day off yesterday. As excited as I am about my upcoming teaching job, I know that there will be no more days off for quite a while. Oh sure, there are the weekends...but those don't always count as there is house cleaning, laundry, errands, shopping, and until the year gets really going...lesson plans, grading papers, reading, etc. So, I just wanted a day to do whatever I wanted to do. The first goal was to sleep in. I haven't laid in bed past 8 am for so long...just wanted to lay there for awhile.

However, since I told room-mate and her boyfriend about my day off plans as they were opening their second bottle of wine, I guess they didn't hear me. At 7:30 am room-mate knocked on my door...afraid I had slept in. I probably could have gone back to sleep, but Sammi (our dog) was up then and obviously needed a desparate run to the back yard. I'll admit, I stood there wondering why I told two adult people that I would be sleeping in...and wasn't heard.

Then I went to get my hair cut. It was way past time. I'm seriously NOT kidding about the chia pet thing...it was a mess. Hair cuts never cease to be traumatic experiences and again, it happened. I went to the local hair academy. They are inexpensive and the young stylists still seem to care about doing things correctly. Well, I explained what I wanted (she didn't even know what I meant by "shag...not mullet".) Anyway, the instructor came over and brought several students to see my head. She wanted them to see the example of several types of hair on one head. Then, even though I stated SEVERAL times that I didn't want it too short, but I wanted to have a nice style to it...they proceeded to cut. They cut it dry and as they kept clipping I kept saying, "don't forget...it shrinks another half inch or so"....I almost laughed when the instructor said, "wow, look how much it shrinks" as they were washing it out. Needless to say, I'm pretending to LOVE my hair...but...again left wondering, "why don't they ever hear what I want?"

This morning iced the cake. I realize that I only have 2 more days here...but while I was gone yesterday, someone TOTALLY rearranged my desk. They took my calendar and pictures and stuck them in a drawer....put everything in different places...ate my wheat things...I'M NOT GONE YET PEOPLE!

I had an eye-opening moment during the first year I was a teacher. I had asked the students to answer some "get to know you" questions. One question was: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be?" As I was reading their responses I came upon one that made me cry. George was a tall, lanky boy with very long black hair. He didn't have a lot of friends and early in the semester my impression was that he was not thrilled about being at school...or anywhere for that matter. His first 2 responses were pretty normal for a 9th grader...#1 to be an NBA star, #2 to own a car...but #3 made a lasting impression...he wrote..."I wish that I was not insignificant."

That moment (ok, after a few minutes of sobbing)...I decided that never would one of my students feel insignificant as long as they were in my classroom. I don't know if George realized this or not...but for the next 3 years everytime I saw him I would call out a hello or stop him to ask how he was. It was almost funny because sometimes he would appear to be annoyed that I was stopping him in the hallway to talk to him. I have tried to apply this to my everyday life too. I want people I come in contact with to feel like I hear them and I care about what is going on with them.

I am so lucky to know that I am significant to God...even when I don't feel like anyone else is listening. I know that He listens to me each and every day and He cares about what I am saying.

Make sure those around you know that they are significant!

Went Camping

I didn't grow up in a camping family. As a matter of fact, the first time that I went camping with my family, I was 16 years old. We went for 1 week that year and 2 weeks the 2nd year. The first year we were in tents, the 2nd my parents had found a used camper. It's amazing after those two summers that I ever wanted to go again. My mother made camping more work than staying at home and doing spring cleaning. First there were the meals...breakfast was never cereal or a doughnut (I'm obviously not health conscious.) My mother would fry eggs and bacon, make pancakes or french toast...never using paper plates. It took an hour to make breakfast and at least an hour to clean up. We would get done just in time to start on lunch. Supper would roll around and again, no hot dogs on a stick...instead we had spaghetti, or some other NON-CAMP-TYPE meal. Then there was the condition of the tent (or camper). Everything had to be folded neatly and put in a specific place...well, I think you get the idea. Not much time left over for fun.

While in college I decided to become a camp counselor during the summers. I did this for 8 years. The last camp I worked in was the one that really brought about my love for camping and the outdoors. I worked at a wilderness camp in Northern Ontario. The kids were usually sent by the courts and were there for the entire summer. We would bring a bus up to a small fishing village (Missanabie, Ontario) and canoe nine miles across Dog Lake to our camp. We usually didn't see any other humans until the end of the summer. There was no electricity, running water meant running to the lake and running back. We took showers in home made showers right outside our cabin. You would wash with one hand and bat mosquitoes with the other. As rough as it was, I fell in love with the woods.

When Zack and I started travelling back and forth between South Carolina and Washington, we camped all the way across the US and back again--three times. We found KOA our first summer and did most of our camping at KOA's--mostly because being a single mom with her small son, I felt safer there. We have had some of our BEST times together at a campground.

I am a simple camper. I don't need a camper, I enjoy the tent...though as I get older I find I need something more than a sleeping bag between me and the ground. I don't cook gourmet foods...we do hot dogs on a stick, or our campfire pizzas (made in our campfire sandwich irons). I love sitting around the fire at night, telling stories, roasting marshmallows, laughing, crying, just relaxing. I like to take walks (notice I did not say hikes), I like smelling the woods, hearing the sounds in the woods, (unless it's a deep growl). The whole thing really relaxes me and gives me the feeling of a closeness to God that I find hard to describe.

This weekend I decided 2 things...I love my friends, but I really find more peace when I camp alone with Zack and #2...never again will I go camping with a 4 year old. Need I say more?

Going camping

I won't be around for a couple of days...we're going camping. We're not really roughing it this time (though I do love the real kind of camping). We're going to a KOA and sleeping in a cabin. Here in the Pacific Northwest, you're never really sure what the weather will be like...we decided not to take the chance this time.

Yesterday I went to the school and picked up some books so that I can start working on lesson plans. If you have never been inside a school during the summer, you shouldn't. There is some major "fixing up" going on at our school this summer. As I walked through the halls and looked around I couldn't imagine that the work will actually be done in 3 weeks...but I know it will. I got to see my classroom. The walls are empty and waiting for my maps and posters...student work, etc. It's an exciting work in progress.

I will be teaching 9th graders (a quarter of Pac.Northwest Hist, a quarter of Geography), 11th graders--US History, 7th graders, US History (I think), and 12th graders--Current World Problems. Second semester I will trade the 9th graders for 12th graders and will teach 12th graders--Civics. Some of you are yawning...I am THRILLED.

OK, still have to pack some clothes and grab the making for s'mores. Have a great weekend!

The Countdown

Twelve days until I start being a teacher again. Hallelujah! and pass the biscuits! (That's something my Grandma used to say everytime something good happened.)

I have 6 actual days left here at the mortgage office. It would be 7, but a camping trip has already been planned for this coming weekend. Anyway, it appears that they are going to be 6 VERY LONG DAYS. I'm not complaining...ok, yes I am...but the last two days it has been like a day-care here. I'm all for "bring your kid to work day"...but enough is enough already! The boss (my good friend) has a 13 year old daughter that has been working here all summer. We get along well. She helps me out (not that I have that much to do)...but she has helped with a couple of big things we have done this summer. She also has an "unrequited" crush on my son and has to talk about that at least a couple of times a day. There's another loan officer that brings her 10 year old daughter...so I have 2 of them standing around my desk bickering at each other. (the older can't take too much of the younger just following her around) Then there's the wife of another LO who comes in once in a while. She's been here twice today ( just walked in the door as I'm writing this) . She has one in a stroller and a 4 year old boy. He has the loudest voice I have ever heard come such a little kid. (He also has BIG, GEORGOUS eyes and his name is Romeo.) But I'm grouchy right now, so that's beside the point.

On top of the kiddie factor today, "EX" has had to call me 20 plus times. (He doesn't understand what it means to actually work for a living.) There was the argument about Zack's haircut for school (he wants shorter, I want to find a balance we can all--including Zack, be happy with), then there was the argument about whether or not Zack would come home tonight...and on, and on, and on...the man needs a life. Oh, then he called to get a copy of the our divorce. We got that 4 years ago...WHY would he think I had a copy of it with me at work???? (The crazy thing is, I actually did.) I told him he had a copy, but he insisited that he didn't. I know he does. After he finally got the fax (which he called about another 13 times) he called me again to tell me he already has that paperwork. Duh, Really? Mr. Smart guy didn't know that a "dissolution of marriage" is the same as a divorce. (No wonder we're divorced.)

Don't people understand that I am trying to read blogs!!!! I can't concentrate!

Uh, oh, gotta go...my boss just IM'd me and asked if I could quiet the kids down. (Are you kidding me?)

Month of Miracles

I just got off the phone with the principal of the high school where I'm supposed to have an interview tomorrow morning...I had to tell them I wouldn't be there because: I GOT THE JOB!!!!

I will be teaching Social Studies (of all kinds, it seems) at North Sound Christian High School! I just found out at 8:00 am and I am still floating! Thanks to all of you for your prayers and kind thoughts. This has seriously been a long time coming.

Learning is never easy. It's sometimes downright scary. I have been learning my whole life, but seems like God wanted to teach me some particular lessons these past 5 years. The biggest lesson of all is to TRUST HIM...believe that He has a plan and it is my privilege to follow that plan...even when I don't feel like it's going the way I want it to. These past few years when school started and I wasn't teaching, my heart broke each year. Yet, I kept believing (or at least trying hard to) that God had a plan and I just had to be patient and keep praying. If I had taken one of those other jobs, I wouldn't be where I am going to be...in a Christian school with smaller classes, a great supportive staff, and the ability to share my faith. It's also an opportunity for Zack because he will attend school there. I know he will have a much better education because a private school can afford that.

There have been so many more lessons along the way...and many more to come. I thank God for His faithfulness and for the support, love and prayers of my friends and family.

I told you August was going to be a Month of Miracles...can't wait to see what happens next!

Woo Hoo

No, don't get excited...I didn't get the job...YET! I'm "woo hoo"-ing about the "miraculous month of August"!

So, had pre-interview yesterday. It went well. I had actually applied for this same job three years ago. As we were talking, the principal said that he really wanted whomever he hired to have an understanding of the job (it's activities coordinator--Student Body or Council Advisor). He said that they had had to fill it every year for the last three years. Well, I looked at him with a straight face and said, "If you had hired me when I interviewed for it 3 years ago, I'd still be here and you wouldn't have to be having this head-ache." (For those of you who don't know me, I have a sense of humor and I use it everywhere I go.) He busted out laughing and said, "I knew you looked familiar."

He called again this morning for interview #2...#2 happens with students. I will meet with them on Tuesday (the 14th).

Bad news--this is NOT a full time job. It is a little more than half -time, enough to get benefits, BUT it's a foot in the door. Still not my first choice.

SO THAT BRINGS ME TO MIRACLE #4...North Sound Christian School called today. They would like me to come in for an interview on Monday (the 13th). THIS is my first choice. It is full time. Small classes. Great atmosphere! And Zack would go there FREE! He could really use the structure of a private school.

If you've just started reading this blog...I actually had my first interview with this school in APRIL. Then 2 weeks after my interview, the principal left the school. So, had my 2nd interview at the end of May with an interim principal. I was the only one who had applied for the job so he said he felt he should interview more people. (ok, that's understandable). Anyway, then I heard that he wasn't going to be principal and so they had to interview and hire a principal before they could hire teachers...etc.etc.etc. Well, he is the principal after all and I had about given up on this job. I call at least once a week and the secretary wants to hire me just so I'll quit calling her.

I'M FEELING IT PEOPLE! I AM GOING TO BE A TEACHER (again)!

WOO HOO!

They've Begun

I have to make this quick, have to leave for a "pre-interview" in 10 minutes.

So, the "miracles" have begun.

#1--Aunt and Uncle coming in from NC, on their way to Victoria, BC...stopping here for the night...hmmm, what to do for feeding them on a VERY tight budget. Got an e-mail from Uncle yesterday, "Don't plan anything for dinner, we want to take you and Zack out...our treat."

#2--Very tight budget anyway...and payday still 7 days away...got a birthday gift yesterday. Nice journal, dishtowel (running joke), and my very own CHIA-LIKE PET...PLUS c-a-s-h...enough to get us through the week. (Thanks T&V, for letting God use you the way He does.)

#3--Pre-interview (Does that mean, 'let us get a look and if we like what we see, we'll REALLY interview you'?) Call came in yesterday, responded today, he asked if I could come in this morning. HEY! IT's a start!

I told you this would be a month of miracles...I'm believing!

Just Believe

"Faith is just believing what God says He will do. He will never fail us, His promises are true." These are the words to a song I used to sing at church when I was a little girl. Faith always seemed such an easy thing as a child. If I lost a tooth, I never went to bed worried that the Tooth Fairy would forget about me. I never doubted that Santa Claus would show up sometime after I went to bed on Christmas Eve. I never wondered whether or not there would be a meal on the table when dinner time rolled around. I KNEW these things would happen.

When did I grow out of that? Why is it that after a LIFETIME of God always coming through for me, I still have to work hard at believing? It doesn't just come naturally anymore. He has proven Himself to me in so many ways over the years. There were times that I seriously didn't know where our food and gas would come from for the rest of the week. Miraculously...there was always a gift from someone...or a check would come through that I didn't know I was going to get. Some would call that coincidence, but I have always known when it was from God.

This month I am going to try to be childlike when it comes to faith again. I'm just believing! I have a little sign on my bathroom mirror that says, "Just Believe"...that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Hmmmmm...in the process of writing this blog, I checked phone messages at home...a principal called to see if I was still interested in a position at his high school. It's not one I have interviewed for yet...so it will at least be an interview.

JUST BELIEVE!!!

A month for a MIRACLE

I am expecting a miracle. This month I AM going to find out I have a teaching job. Now, to some, that may not seem such a miracle. If you have known me for the last 5 years... you know it would be a HUGE miracle!

Between the ages of 21-38, I was a social worker/counselor. I worked in adolescent treatment centers, camps, DCFS and a child abuse prevention agency. I enjoyed all of the jobs that I did. When Zack came along, I actually worked for the first 6 months, but suddenly discovered that I really just wanted to be home with my baby. I quit my job and three weeks later my "ex" decided he didn't want to be married anymore. He moved out and there I was without a job.

That turned into a good thing. (in more ways than ten) I knew I needed to go back to school for a master's degree and went to the local college to check out social work programs. It turns out, the nearest SW Master's program was 90 miles away. I would have to commute! Then some sweet lady who was standing there asked if I liked working with kids so much, had I ever given any thought to being a teacher? Turns out, I actually started out in elementary education but after my first education class (after being forced to make a "Haiku" bulletin board)...I decided that I really didn't want to do that forever. Anyway, at this lady's suggestion, I checked the MAT (Master's in the Art of Teaching High School Social Studies) and realized that in 2-3 years I could have a teaching degree. So, I signed up that day...I figured I could quit after the first semester if I really didn't like it.

Turns out, I LOVED IT! During my second year, I met an assistant principal and she asked me if I would like to be a substitute teacher. I ended up doing a long term sub position (3 semesters), did my student teaching, and got my first contract at her school. After getting my degree, I was at Stratford for 3 years before deciding to move to Washington.

I never even imagined that I wouldn't be able to get a teaching position. There are teacher shortages all over the United States...apparently, NOT in Washington. Oh, they need Science and Math...but hey, any COACH can teach a Social Studies class. (LOL) Just kidding coaches. I'm not really sure what is happening, but around here, there are very few SS openings and I very rarely get called even for an interview. Since moving here I have interviewed less than 10 times (for teaching positions). I actually got one job, but it was non-continuing and did another long-term sub position from Sept. to Feb. of this last school year.

This year, I want a permanent...no more searching, no more interviewing, no more waiting for the phone to ring...teaching job. I want next summer off. Zack is getting older, but not yet old enough to be on his own. I want to be able to be home with him. I want to travel. I want to NOT be sitting in an office doing a job I just really don't like doing.

I want to be a teacher! So, join in with me this month...I have faith and believe that the MIRACLE is going to happen!

Birthdays

Tomorrow I will be 52 years old...and I don't care what Oprah says...50 is NOT the new 30's! Maybe if you have a personal trainer, a bazillion dollars, 3 houses, a personal chef...etc.etc.etc. (I AM not jealous.) As of this minute, there are no big celebrations planned. I will most likely spend the day de-boxing. (that is what one does after one moves from one house to another) However, in thinking about birthdays, I began thinking of some that will "always be remembered".

BD #9--Mom got up early and baked me a beautiful birthday cake, then proceeded to go into labor and at 10:00 PM had the audacity to give birth to a BROTHER! (I distinctly asked for a little sister!) McDonald's wasn't around back then, so if I remember right, whoever was babysitting fixed PB&J for my BD dinner and I didn't want to eat the cake until Mom and Dad were there. Eddie turned out to be one of the BEST birthday gifts ever!

BD #16--Mom decided to have a SURPRISE party for me. It was really more of a SHOCK! Mom (love her anyway) always thought I could "do better"...choice of friends, clothes, jobs, etc.etc.etc. So, instead of inviting just my friends or asking them who she should invite...she went through my HS yearbook and picked out people that she thought looked like people I should be friends with. The crazy thing is that they actually came. To this day, I'm still not sure why...curiousity? end of summer and in need of a good party? boredom? Anyway, there they were when I walked in...people I went to school with, yet didn't know. Preps, nerds, jocks, "hoods"...she had chosen from just about every category. I don't know what they came expecting...but I'm sure it WASN'T actually playing "pin the tail", musical chairs, Twister, and a number of other 'party' games. Oh, forgot to mention, there were about ten 7 year olds there too...all running around like banchees. I was totally humiliated...as only a 16 year old can be. The funny thing is, even now at HS reunions, people will come up to me and say "remember your bd party?" They seem to remember it fondly, and I have to give Mom credit for trying.

BD #18--I was packing for college. Didn't even have a clue how wonderful the next four years would prove to be.

BD#20--I was a camp counselor and very naive and innocent (really, I was). We all had to do laundry together at a laundromat on the weekends. I always went to the far side of the laundromat because I didn't want the male counselors seeing my "undergarments" (I dressed in a closet all 4 years of college.) Anyway, right at the end of laundry night, the guys came in dressed in dark suits and carrying violin cases...they stuck a pillowcase over my head and "kidnapped" me. (If that kind of thing happened today, someone would call a SWAT team to rescue me, but back then you could get away with fun stuff like that.) They all (all the camp staff) took me out for a great bd pizza and then we went back to camp where the kitchen staff had baked a great bd cake. Then I got gifts...everyone on staff had bought me the wildest pair of bikini underpants they could find...I was totally embarrassed...but we all had a great time.

BD#21--Was in Florida with my Mom and 3 friends...note to readers...DON'T travel with Mom and 3 friends...doesn't always work out well. On this particular day we went to Disney World. Mom slapped a rude lady while we were having lunch in the Main Snack Bar. I should clarify, she didn't just slap her...she slapped in rythm as she shouted out, "You are rude and Un-American!" We spent the rest of the day waiting to be arrested and/or thrown out of Disney. Later in the evening (much later) Mom abandoned me and my friends at a truck stop we had stopped at for supper. (She had finally had enough of my friend Brenda correcting everyone.) She did come back, after about 2 hours, during which we were all counting our money and trying to figure out how in God's name we would get back to Ohio. None of us felt it would be safe to hitchhike.

BD#27--I was working at a camp in Northern Ontario. My girls and I had spent the day cutting trail through Canadian wilderness. As adventurous as this sounds...it really wasn't fun...it was hard labor with machetes and mosquitoes big enough to carry you away. On the 2 mile hike back to our campsite, I was feeling that I could not take another step. Then we got between a mama bear and her cubs...she chased us for about 1/2 a mile and I found the energy to make my feet move!

BD#28 & 29--I don't remember specifics, but was in the Dominican Republic and know that they were spent with wonderful friends...eating and dancing.

BD#30--Spent the day with good friends...still in the Dom. Rep. Had lost Eddie (my 9th BD gift) to suicide just five months before so didn't feel like a celebration since it would have been his 21st birthday. However, felt loved and secure and cared about all day!

Since 30, I'm sure I've had some good and some bad birthdays...nothing sticks out in my head right now...last year I took Zack to Applebee's for my birthday dinner and he snuck away and told the waitress it was my birthday. She brought balloons and free dessert (most of which he ate)...but I loved that he thought of that.

Anyway, it's been a good 52 years...with some bad thrown in here and there for growth. I am looking forward to what this next year brings.

Happy Birthday to me!

Stuck between a rock and a hard place

As a Christian, I'm supposed to love and pray for my "enemies". My home group has been doing a study on forgiveness and one of the most difficult things I read from the book is that we should actually be praying for blessings in their lives!

My "ex" is on my 'enemy' list today (as well as many other days). He is a hard-hearted, self-centered, controlling...well, I think you get the drift. I can forgive him for the things he has done to me, but it is very hard to forgive him for what he does to our son.

Zack is a month away from turning 14. He called me today in tears. He is at his Dad's house for the week (as is stated in our court ordered parenting plan). His Dad constantly belittles him, calls him names, makes him work constantly and then makes him do it over because he doesn't do it right the first time. Zack isn't allowed to spend any time alone in his room (except when he's sleeping). He's not really allowed to do what he wants to do. I'm not kidding when I say "ex" is a control freak. Today when he called, his Dad had just left and had given Zack a list of chores to do. Zack told me he "really can't take it anymore".

This isn't just an adolescent not getting his way. "Ex" treats his son the same as he did his wife and several ex-girlfriends. He does everything in his power to take away your self-confidence and self-worth. You begin believing you aren't good enough for anyone or anything. You're as stupid as he says you are. Now he's doing the same thing to his own son. I don't know what to do. I can go to court and try to get the parenting plan changed, but I know how courts are with adolescents (past experience as DCFS social worker)...emotional abuse leaves no bruises. Courts won't change parenting plans without bruises.

I could pack up the car and Zack and head for the East Coast...but that would take money and I would be in contempt of court and Zack doesn't want to leave the area...he just doesn't want to be around his dad.

I'm sitting here with a sick stomach...praying to God for answers...trying to pray that God will somehow soften "ex's" heart so that he will at least be able to love his son.

Keep Zack in your prayers.