As a Christian, I'm supposed to love and pray for my "enemies". My home group has been doing a study on forgiveness and one of the most difficult things I read from the book is that we should actually be praying for blessings in their lives!
My "ex" is on my 'enemy' list today (as well as many other days). He is a hard-hearted, self-centered, controlling...well, I think you get the drift. I can forgive him for the things he has done to me, but it is very hard to forgive him for what he does to our son.
Zack is a month away from turning 14. He called me today in tears. He is at his Dad's house for the week (as is stated in our court ordered parenting plan). His Dad constantly belittles him, calls him names, makes him work constantly and then makes him do it over because he doesn't do it right the first time. Zack isn't allowed to spend any time alone in his room (except when he's sleeping). He's not really allowed to do what he wants to do. I'm not kidding when I say "ex" is a control freak. Today when he called, his Dad had just left and had given Zack a list of chores to do. Zack told me he "really can't take it anymore".
This isn't just an adolescent not getting his way. "Ex" treats his son the same as he did his wife and several ex-girlfriends. He does everything in his power to take away your self-confidence and self-worth. You begin believing you aren't good enough for anyone or anything. You're as stupid as he says you are. Now he's doing the same thing to his own son. I don't know what to do. I can go to court and try to get the parenting plan changed, but I know how courts are with adolescents (past experience as DCFS social worker)...emotional abuse leaves no bruises. Courts won't change parenting plans without bruises.
I could pack up the car and Zack and head for the East Coast...but that would take money and I would be in contempt of court and Zack doesn't want to leave the area...he just doesn't want to be around his dad.
I'm sitting here with a sick stomach...praying to God for answers...trying to pray that God will somehow soften "ex's" heart so that he will at least be able to love his son.
Keep Zack in your prayers.
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2 comments:
That stinks for both you and your son. Let me just say that sometimes no changes come and you have to be ready to accept that if it is indeed what happens. My daughter's father is constantly promising to take her on trips or take her places and then backs out. The good thing about the children of today is that they are much more intuitive and they know when someone is acting like a Sh*theel. I am so sorry you have to go through this (=
My dad had the same experience when he was growing up. It strangely made him into what he is today...a pastor with a booming church and love and appreciation for everyone. It's weird to think that the old adage is true; that which does not kill us, makes us stronger.
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