God's in control

Well, it's nearing the end of the month and I found out some interesting news about the job I applied for. The principal of the school (whom I interviewed with) is on administrative leave. I don't know if that's temporary or permanent. I called the school and sent an e-mail to the interim principal, but have heard nothing...so I'm on hold. That's frustrating. However, this morning God sent me a little message through my "Bedside Blessings" book (which I keep at work and read each morning).

"God is in sovereign control. In the midst of those very circumstances
that today have you baffled, wondering what you're going to do, or
even how you're going to go on, you can rest assured that God's power
and sovereign control are already at work. God never knows frustration.
He never has to scratch His head, wondering what in the world He's
going to do next with people like us, or with the nations of this world"

It's awesome to know that God's at work and I don't have to worry!

Jim Sorenson

Jim was the first one to call me when I took charge of the Katrina family that our church adopted. I remember him saying that he and Kim wanted to help in any way that they could. As we spoke, he explained that he was recovering from cancer and wasn't able to work, so he had a lot of time on his hands.

He's struggled with the affects of cancer for 4 years. Yesterday his struggle ended. I will miss his sweet smile and sense of humor. I will miss his guitar on Sunday mornings. I will miss his constant words of encouragement. He never failed to greet me, hug me or grasp my hand, ask me how things were going...no matter what discomfort he may have been in. I rejoice that he is no longer in pain and that he is now with our Father.

Please pray for his wife (Kim) and his 2 daughters...one is 16 and the other is 11. Even with the assurance that Jim is in Heaven, it will be hard for them to adjust to his not being here.

Compassion

Yesterday our Pastor's daughter (Cambria) gave a little talk about the 30 Hour Famine project that the Youth Group is experiencing next weekend. She literally opened up her heart in front of the congregation. I don't remember all the facts she stated, but I was struck by her sincere COMPASSION for these people that we could (and do) easily forget.

God really used her to speak to me. I did get the message about the project, but more than that, He used Cambria to remind me that He wants me to have a heart like that. He wants us to give out of COMPASSION. He wants me to look at the people around me with COMPASSION. He wants me to live my life full of COMPASSION. He doesn't just want me to give a little money, or make a couple of sandwiches...He wants my heart full of COMPASSION for His people.

Cambria, thanks for letting God use you in such a powerful way.

Questions

After all these years of being a Christian, I still have lots and lots of questions. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about one particular question. I know that we are not to judge. I know that we are supposed to take the log out of our own eye before we worry about the splinter in someone else's. I know that we are to love as Christ loves. So, do we just open our arms to people and ignore what we believe to be sin?

As a Mom, it is my responsibility to help Zack grow into a decent and responsible adult. So, when I see him do something wrong I correct him. As a Christian, do I do the same with my Christian family? Don't get me wrong, I don't want to, nor do I, focus on the "sins" of others. I truly have enough of my own to deal with.

So, do we accept and ignore the sins of others? Homosexuality, living together without marriage, premarital sex, dependence on medication or alcohol, cheating on taxes, etc. When Jesus was on earth, he loved the outcasts...but what if Matthew had continued stealing from people and cheating them when he collected taxes? What if Mary Magdalene (thought to be a former prostitute) had continued taking clients? I know that He wouldn't have loved them less, but what would He have done?

I don't want to be a hinderance to someone growing in Christ. I don't want to be the reason they quit coming to church because they feel judged. So, what is the answer? What is my duty and responsibility?

I'd love your opinion.

A Prayer

Father,

Yesterday changed the lives of many people. Over 30 families are now facing the loss of someone they loved. The lives of those who survived the trauma of the shootings will never be the same. Please touch them with Your healing hand. Comfort the families who lost someone. Spread Your peace and comfort over the campus.

I pray for those in the area who are serving You. Help them as they prepare to comfort and counsel those who will come to them. Help them as they share Your love and again, Your comfort. Give them extra money for coffee and other supplies. Give them the words that they need to comfort and help those who come to them.

I don't know how people survive without You. As long as You are part of my life, I don't have to live each day in fear. Thank You for that. I don't want to worry everytime Zack goes out the door. I know that You are holding him in Your hands.

You can take this situation and turn it into triumph. Please help me to open up my heart to ways I can share Your love and forgiveness with others.

Help me to live my life without regrets.

Tulips

On Saturday I went with friends (Jimi, Kyle, Cameo and James) to the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival. We started off in LaConner and after a nice time there, headed for a tulip farm.

I love this family. We really had such a good time. We laughed, we talked, we ate, we laughed some more and we enjoyed the beauty of the tulips and everything else that we saw.

The tulips reminded me of the verses in Luke that talk about the "lilies of the field" (I replaced lilies with tulips for the day). The scripture says that we are to look at the flowers and see how beautifully they are dressed. They don't have to work at their beauty or worry about it. If God provides so carefully for the lilies and the tulips, why do we worry? God will provide for His children.

Free speech

Wouldn't it be nice if people spent as much time watching what they say as they do objecting to what others say? Wouldn't it be nice if everyone only said "nice" things?

I have watched and listened to the "Imus" controversy this week. I have mixed feelings on the matter. On the one hand, it would be nice to live in a world where everyone just said nice things. On the other hand, our Constitution allows us freedom of speech. You can't go into a theater and yell "fire" because that could cause physical harm to others. You are allowed to say things that can hurt the feelings of others. I am certainly not condoning what Imus said, I am merely condoning his right to say it. Of course, CBS and MSNBC had the right to fire him for saying it...but did they fire him for what he said, or did they fire him because others used their freedom of speech to hit the stations where it hurt...the wallet?

Why does the public continue buying CD's which use the "N" word, the "f" word, talk about killing cops, shooting people, etc. etc. Why do the sponsors continue putting these "entertainers" on television and radio where our kids have access to what they say and do?

Why are news commentators, comedians, periodicals, etc. allowed to say hurtful and nasty things about the President of the United States? Why do sponsors continue allowing this constant disrespect of the most powerful world leader? or any other government institution, for that matter? (even if we disagree with the politics, the Bible tells us to pray for our leaders)

Why?? Because we live in the United States of America and our Constitution allows us freedom of speech. Sorry, Imus, guess you weren't included in that this week.

Baseball Season

It's baseball season. I'm not really a big fan. I watch approximately 2 major league games per year....one when we go to Mariner stadium (at least once a season), and then I usually watch the final game of the World Series. However, I've an avid Zack fan. This is his 9th year playing. My Dad insisted that I sign him up right after seeing him shave his legs with his Little Tyke shaving kit. I guess Dad figured Zack needed a little more masculine influence in his life.

That first year they played T-ball. Zack's head came to the coach's belt buckle. T-ball was really the most fun to watch. Our league played less than a mile from the Charleston International Airport. Every time a plane flew over, didn't matter what was happening in the game...all heads went up. One little boy would hit the ball and then walk immediately to the dugout. Another would only run to where his Dad was, so his Dad was on 3rd base, that's where he ran to. The coaches son actually laid down on third base once...he was carried off by the coach.

They aren't as cute anymore...but it's still a lot of fun.

"Sensitive" Toilets

I promise, I will not blog often about toilets or other potty talk, but this is an ongoing frustration.

I work hard to improve my self-image. I look in the mirror and try to see what God sees instead of what I see. I have memorized and often quote "I am fearfully and wonderfully made." I'm working on treating myself the way I would like to be treated. Some days I am fairly successful...until I get to a public restroom where the sensory toilet doesn't sense me. What's that about? I see other women go into the stall and bat their eyelashes and the toilet flushes...but not me. It's not like my butt is not easy to sense...come on now. And yes, I know there is a button you can push...but it's the principle of the matter. The toilet makes me feel invisible and insignificant. I wiggle, I shake, I jump up and down, I wave my hands in front of the "eye" and nothing happens. Finally I give up and push the silly button. Still frustrated, I come out of the stall to wash my hands...again, the sensor doesn't sense me. Since I am already frustrated by the toilet, I find myself waving my hands frantically under the spigot. When that doesn't work, I just start waving my hands all over the place...trying to get some running water. People look at me like they are afraid I'm losing my mind...of course, while they are looking at me, they are washing their hands. As they leave, I run to their place at the sink and get my hands wet before the water dries up. The frustration continues. There are no paper towels, instead a sensory hand dryer.

I guess I should just use the restroom before I leave home.

Edward Kirk Smith Aug. 4, 1964-April 10, 1985

Eddie was my 9th birthday present. He was supposed to be a sister. I loved him anyway. He was premature and he had a mass on or around his kidney. After a month, they sent him home to die. God miraculously healed him.

So many memories: He didn't have an imaginary friend...he became his imaginary friends. When he came tooling up on his tricycle with a cowboy hat on, he was "Toy Togers". When his tricycle suddenly became a motorcycle, he was "Bruce". There was another character named "Raj", but I have no clue where he came from. He would become indignant if any of us called him by the wrong name when he was in character.

He was afraid of spiders. Darrell (my other brother) and I tortured him endlessly. We would say there was a spider above his head and watch him freeze into a fear-driven pose. (That's what brothers and sisters do.)

I remember the day he woke up early to go ice skating with some friends and came home less than an hour later missing half of his two front teeth. They were still lodged in the ice. I remember when he was 16 and called the house crying because he had seen a car wreck and thought that one of the cars was our Dad's. (Dad was watching a John Wayne movie at the time.) I remember our last face to face conversation when he told me that sometimes he felt like driving his truck off of a bridge.

I was at home on vacation from my job in the Dominican Republic. He got mad at me because after that conversation I wrote him letters and kept bringing it up...it worried me that he had said it. During our last phone call, he once again assured me that it was just a figure of speech. I told him I loved him. That was the last time we would speak.

The week before he died he stayed up all night on the phone with a friend who was contemplating suicide. He took her the next morning to a support group where she could get some help. I know about this because she told me about it when she came to his funeral.

I don't know why he took his own life. I don't know what seemed so impossible to overcome. I do know that he was loved by many. The funeral director said he hadn't seen such a large turnout since a public official had died a few years earlier. There were people there whose lives he had touched that we didn't even know.

I will see him again. I was there when he asked Jesus into his heart. But I miss him now. I'm sad that he never got to meet Zack. He never got to see Lauren and Alissa (my nieces) grow up and see them have babies of their own. I'm sad that he didn't get to experience marriage and children of his own.

Say "I love you" everyday.

Monday

I don't like Mondays. I start not liking Monday on Sunday afternoon. If I were President, the first law that I would enact would be the three day weekend...Monday being the final day. (Of course, then I wouldn't like Tuesday.)

The problem is, I start out with the wrong attitude. It really is all about attitude. This morning I woke up with a really bad case of "Monday Morning". I didn't want to get out of bed. I grumbled all the way into the kitchen. I grumbled into my first and second cups of coffee. I grudgingly picked up my Bible and journal. Then I read Ps. 118:24 "This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." (I would argue with anyone who says God doesn't have a sense of humor.) I would love to say that my attitude immediately changed...but it took a little while. However, by the time I got to work (after singing an old camp song called "This is the Day" all the way there), I had decided to change my attitude. I greeted my co-workers with a big smile and a cheery"good morning" as they came in to the office. I put on Spirit 105.3 and started singing along. After a couple of hours I realized I really wasn't finding I had to try too hard anymore.

It's been a pretty amazing Monday.

Easter

The sun is shining. The flowers are blooming. People are mowing their lawns again. Spring rises up out of the dismal, rainy, cold winter.

I've heard the Easter story since as long as I can remember. I've always known that Jesus died on the cross for my sins and then rose again on the third day. I have always believed it happened, never doubted it...but in the past few years it has become so much more personal. He didn't just die for "mankind". He died for ME. It's personal. He loves ME that much.

How appropriate that we celebrate Easter during the Spring. Jesus gave hope to a bleak, dismal, cold world. He brought hope and salvation to ME.

I hope that you allow Jesus to bring sunshine and flowers into your life today.

Patience

I'm really not patient. I've actually had people compliment me on my patience...what they don't know is that it's not patience, it's control. I don't show it on the outside, but on the inside I'm counting hours, minutes, seconds...wanting to scream "NOW". And I've definitely learned not to pray for patience. Like anything else, practice makes perfect and I don't want a season of "practicing". We even made a joke about it while I was in Bible college. If someone was getting on our nerves, we would threaten them by telling them we were going to pray that God would teach them patience.

I'm being facetious (big word for joking). God's going to teach us patience whether we ask or not. Waiting to find out about the job I interviewed for could make me crazy. I know there are a lot of people out there praying for me, but it's still hard to wait. This morning I found this verse:

"Let us hold fast for the confession of our hope without wavering,
for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

I will continue waiting and praying...even if this isn't the job He has planned for me...He who promised is faithful.

Retreat Review

The weekend retreat was wonderful. Great food, great games, great giggle-fests...and a great message. Angela Howard was our retreat speaker. She had a lot of inspiring things to say. Her main focus was God's love for us. I really can't fathom that depth of love, but I want begin understanding it more.

Angela asked us to consider what we think about ourselves when we look in the mirror. Then she told us to think about what God thinks of us and put those attributes in our minds instead of our own thoughts. During an alone time, I started listing the things I think about myself...I see a lot more negative than positive. Then I started to try to list what God sees. This was the wake-up point. I had to think hard to even imagine God thinking good things about me. I have to change that. Of course He knows my failings, my faults, my shortcomings...but THAT is not what He sees. He sees beyond that. He sees His child...one that He loves unconditionally. This is truly a concept that I want to apply to my life.

Interview Update

This morning I had my interview with Debbie Schindler, the principal of North Sound Christian School. The interview started with prayer! That was so cool. We are both looking for God's direction in the final decision on this position. I felt that the interview went really well. I was calm in the knowledge that it's really all in God's hands. (of course, I did my part by being enthusiastic and open to all the questions being asked).

I would appreciate your prayers. This would be a great opportunity for me and Zack. They won't be making a final decision until the end of April, but as soon as I find out, I will let you know.