Still No Call

For all of you who are praying and waiting with me...still no news. I just called the school again and Mr. Osborn is out at a meeting today. That means I won't know anything until tomorrow.

It's interesting that at church Scott and Cole have been doing a series on prayer. God and I carried on quite the conversation yesterday. I sometimes feel it is a one-sided conversation, though I know that isn't true. I know that I forget to stop and listen. I say I'm going to put something in God's Hands, and I really believe I do...then I keep reminding Him "it's in Your Hands...Hey, check Your Hands, it's there and needs Handled...don't forget, I placed it in Your Hands". Does anyone else do that?

The thought keeps running through my mind that I need to "be still and know", but can't seem to rid my stomach of knots and butterflies.

Keep praying and I'll keep you informed.

5:00 pm

It's 5:00 and I'm going home. Still no call. I called the school this afternoon, was told that as soon as they found him, they would have him call me...guess he's really lost.

STILL WAITING

I'm still waiting on the phone call. I'm really not good at waiting, maybe that's why I'm still waiting. God wants us to wait on Him and not get in such a hurry. As I wait, my faith begins to waiver...what if...

God, this is in Your capable Hands. I don't have to worry. I only have to trust YOU.

Waiting

WAIT: to stay in place of expectation; to look forward to expectantly

ANTICIPATE: to look forward to

Guess where my mind is today. I am in a place of waiting and anticipation. Today is the day I'm supposed to hear from North Sound about the job. I'm not patient. I hate waiting. Why is it a possible future employer would tell you he will call on a Tuesday AFTER a long three day weekend?

I had a great time Saturday with some current members of our home group, as well as former members. It was a nice, relaxing time. Tammy and Torrey live in Gold Bar and after visiting their home I can understand a little more why they make that long drive every day.

I am continuing to seek God's will in my life. (I'm just feeling very good about this being it.) Hopefully, I will post again later today.

Interview Update Two

As I was leaving the office this morning for my interview, I saw three familiar looking men leaving the building where I work. It was the whole pastoral staff from my church. I stopped to say hi. They knew where I was going as they had already prayed for me this morning. We took that opportunity to pray about the job together. I left feeling even more positive than before...knowing that I and others are praying for God's will in my life.

Well, wish I could tell you that the job is mine. I won't know anything definite until the early part of next week. HOWEVER...I feel in my heart that it is my job. When Mr. Osborn said he would contact me by Tuesday, I'm sure I had a look of surprise and responded "By Tuesday, really?" At that point he said, "Well, you're the only one who has applied for this position." I figure if he didn't like me he would have said that there were still applications coming in and they had to schedule a couple more interviews. And, I won't assume I got the job because they had no other choices. I assume that's God's choice. When you consider the fact that Edmonds School District has over 200 Social Studies application packets (as do many of the other school districts), the fact that only one application came in for this position....well, that's a God thing!

Thanks for your prayers.

A 12 Step Program

I'm thinking about starting a 12 step program. I don't think there is one out there for this addiction yet.

Hi, My name's Paulette and I'm a Reality Television-aholic. It started a few years ago during the first season of "Survivor". When I was visiting someone else who was watching it, I thought it was a stupid show. 15 people on an island with no food, electricity, soap, technology, etc. No one will watch that. The next Thursday, I found myself with nothing to do, flipping through the channels and saw it again...so I stopped. That was my first real forray into "reality". I didn't miss an episode after that. Then along came "The Bachelor", "Big Brother", "American Idol", "The Amazing Race", "The Mole", "Dancing With the Stars", "So, You Think You Can Dance"...oh and these are just the shows on the 4 main stations...then there's BRAVO, CMT, The Food Network, etc. Obviously no one has this much time (do they?). Since I got "hooked", I have worn out VCR's and more tapes than I care to count. I sometimes watch one and tape another. I was hysterical two weeks ago when I actually taped the wrong station and MISSED the finale of Survivor: Fiji. (Thank goodness it was shown later on On-Demand). I cry at the finales...sometimes because of the results, but most often because these people will no longer be spending evenings with me. I haven't been to too many concerts of actual stars...but 3 years ago for my birthday I got a trip to Key Arena to see The American Idol Top Ten Tour (mainly to see CLAY AIKEN). It was the thrill of a lifetime. A couple of weeks ago, went with the same friends to see Blake come through Bothell for his home visit.

This week has been up and down emotionally for me...the Bachelor picked Tess. I was happy about that. Apollo Ohno won "DWTS"...I would have been happy if Joey Fatone had won too. And tonight it's either Blake or Jordin. Again, I'll be happy with either one. As "Dancing" was ending last night, I was wondering what I would do with my new free time...then I saw the ad for "So You Think You Can Dance"....I felt somewhat better knowing that one will pick up where the other leaves off.

I need help. I am going to start a program...I just have to find the right night...

:)

Some days...

I am fighting through that "some days I should just stay in bed" feeling today. I actually woke up an hour early this morning (not on purpose) and was feeling so rested (and excited about my interview) that I decided to go ahead and get out of bed so that I could get some real "alone" time with God and my coffee. I was feeling very positive about my interview this afternoon and about just the general condition of my life.

Then I got to the office. Soon after I got here, things started going downhill. First I got a call from North Sound apologizing and rescheduling my interview. It won't be today, it will be Thursday morning instead. Then I poured coffee grounds into the coffee pot without the filter. In cleaning that up, I made an even bigger mess. Next someone let the office door (which is right in front of my desk) slam shut and my picture of Zack fell off the shelf it was on and the frame shattered. And last but not least, my ex-husband hasn't had anyone to argue with lately so he called to start an argument and further try to disrupt my days.

It is only 12:30...so there's still plenty of day to save. I have decided that I'm not going to let Satan win this one. I know what he's doing and he can't have anymore of this day. This one belongs to God.

"Blessings"

My good friend, Jimi, gave me this little "Bedside Blessings" book by Charles Swindoll. It's not by my bed, but in my desk drawer here in the office. I start off each morning by reading what's written for today. Amazingly, this book seems to be in sync with my life this year (isn't it great how God works?) Today is no exception.

I'm anticipating my interview on Tuesday...not worrying, just anticipating. I do pretty well in interviews, though the last few years wouldn't prove that. But, I still think about the questions that may be asked, how I will answer, etc. etc. I need to exude confidence, make myself look good, make sure to say the right things, use proper educational phrases...But this time it's a Christian setting so I can be a lot more forthright about my beliefs. So, let me share with you what God shared with me through my "blessings" book this morning.

"You don't have to promote yourself if you've got the stuff...If you are to be used of God, they'll find you. God will promote you. I don't care what the world system says. I urge you to let God do the promoting...In the meantime, sit quietly under His hand...You will never have to wonder in the future if it was you or the Lord who made things happen. If He chooses to use you in a mighty way...you won't have any reason to get conceited. HE DID IT ALL."

Have a great weekend.

Triple Header

Ok, today you get 3 topics for the price of 1.

"Travesty"

Melinda Doolittle was voted off American Idol last night. She will NOT be in the finals next week. Makes me want to quit watching reality tv...yeah, right.

"Olympic Torch"

I had an Olympic Torch moment yesterday. We live in a house with a big yard. The lawn mower was provided by the landlord...but no trimmer. So, I threw away money a couple of weeks ago. First I went to a yard sale and bought a "bush whacker"...problem is, can't get the very dull blade off to put the string on and the very dull blade doesn't cut the very tall grass and weeds that is now surrounding our yard. So, I bought a much smaller version at Walmart. I know it said for small yards, but I guess I figured grass is grass...even if it is about 2 feet tall and very thick. While Zack mowed yesterday afternoon, I was trimming. Suddenly flames started shooting out of the end of the trimmer. What could I do but hold it over my head and take a lap around the yard?

"The Builder"

Ps. 127:1 "Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain."
I got a call from North Sound yesterday. I have an interview with the interim principal next Tuesday at 3:00. "Father, help me to remember that YOU are the Builder and I am here to follow Your blueprints."

Heartbreak

In life, we learn to handle heartbreak. Last night I had to watch my son suffer a heartbreak.

Bottom of the 7th, his team leading 6-4...our 3rd pitcher had to be taken out so he could start in tonight's game. (something about pitch count rules). The coach called Zack to the mound. There were 2 on base, 1 out. The batter already had 2 balls, no strikes. Zack walked him, now bases loaded. The next batter came up, hit one out...Zack made a bad throw to catcher and they scored...still only one out, bases are still loaded and the score is 6-5. Next batter hit it hard and they scored at least 3 runs. Game over. Zack cried. He took the burden of the loss as his own.

I wanted to run out there to him and wrap him in my arms, but he's 13 and that would have only made it worse. I saw his face crumple and his shoulders fall. I saw the heartbreak written all over him. I wanted to carry it all for him...take the heartbreak upon myself. But, it's a life lesson for him, albeit a tough one.

On Mother's Day, Scott and Cole talked about our roles as mothers and how that role compares to God the Father...I thought about that last night. He has to sit back and let us stumble sometimes. He sees us go through heartbreak and defeat...and He's there to comfort us when we let Him. He helps us get back up and start again.

Zack plays again tonight. I'll be there to cheer him on.

Long Pause

Last week was just one of those weeks when I decided it was best to take a pause from writing a blog. I can tell you right now that there wouldn't have been a lot of positive thoughts coming from my keyboard. I try to maintain a positive outlook on every aspect of life. I try to keep my thoughts positive and happy. I believe that when I start thinking negatively, I am doubting God. But, I am human, and sometimes those thoughts creep in and overtake any positive thoughts I am even trying to have.

I don't want to say that I went through a week of doubting God totally, but I guess that's what it came down to. I was discouraged about the job situation. The principal who interviewed me is definitely gone. I have tried contacting the interim principal, but he has not responded to my e-mails. I was having financial struggles that just seemed overwhelming. Zack was grounded for the whole week, which made our relationship strained, at best. I got a haircut that I hate. See...you wouldn't have wanted to hear all that from me.

Have all those situations been rectified? Well, Zack isn't grounded anymore, we had a wonderful Mother's Day (thanks to someone at church who gave me money so that Zack and I could go out to a movie and lunch), pay day is tomorrow, nothing new on the job scene...but I am trusting God, my hair will grow out again...so no, not exactly rectified...but I just had to take a long pause. I had to sit with my thoughts and prayers and just "be still and know that He is God".

God understands me when I feel like that. He listens when I whine and complain and say "why me?" He is patient with me, even though He knows I should know better. Then in His little ways, He reminds me that He is in control. He has a plan and I have to learn to be more patient and wait on Him.

My reading today says it all: "This is the wonder of God's sovereignty. Working behind the scenes, He is moving and pushing and rearranging events and changing minds until He brings out of even the most carnal and secular of settings a decision that will set His perfect plan in place."

AMEN

Parenting

I yelled at Zack on the way to school this morning. As he got out of the car, there was no "I love you" or the usual kiss good-bye. I said a sarcastic "have a great day, Zack"... it was meant to bring about guilt and remorse. Now I'm the one feeling guilty and remorseful. Not that there wasn't an issue...and a valid one. But I handled it all wrong.

I feel like I handle a lot of issues wrong these days. I think that goes along with the territory of having a 13 year old. I know I won't handle each and every issue correctly, but I guess I didn't realize I would screw up so often. I feel like I don't have a lot of answers. Funny, because I have spent so much of my adult life working with kids and actually being very good at it. When it comes to my own, I am screwing up a lot more than not.

I love Zack. And I am really blowing it as a Christian parent. I'm not praying enough...with him, or for him. I'm going to tell him that this afternoon and he's going to roll his eyes...but I'm going to start praying with him consistently. And I'm going to start praying for him more than just when we get into rough spots. (I could write another blog on that topic...praying about things only when we hit rough spots.)

Thank You God for letting me be a parent. Thank You for giving me Zack. Please forgive me for not allowing You to be the center of the parenting process.

Friday

It's Friday...the sun is shining...it's supposed to be a beautiful weekend.

What more can I say?

Another "lesson"

I mentioned yesterday that I look for lessons in everyday events (must be the teacher in me). Well, last night Zack and I partook in a very "tasty" lesson. Baskin Robbins was celebrating an anniversary or birthday and scoops of ice cream were being sold for 31 cents each. We both LOVE ice cream, but don't usually get BR because it's cheaper to buy a half gallon of Dairy Gold at the grocery store than a two scooper at BR.

When we arrived at BR the line of people stretched out into the parking lot. Zack's first response was that he didn't want ice cream THAT BAD. I did. We stood in line for around 20 minutes.

The lesson? Jesus is so much better than Baskin Robbins ice cream. He came "that we might have life and have it more abundantly". He gives us eternal life and the chance for a peaceful, joyful existence. He gives us forgiveness and redemption. (and NO CALORIES) If people know that Jesus if FREE...why aren't they standing in line? What is it that I am not showing them?

The "Speck" in my eye

Call me crazy, but I really do try to get "lessons" from everyday things in my life. For the past two weeks I have had a weepy eye. I think it's allergies, as this is the 2nd or 3rd time I've had this problem. My left eye is red, swollen, itchy and constantly dripping from both corners. Everyone thinks I'm crying. I put makeup on in the morning and by 9:00, I have it only on 1 side of my face. My eye is sore from wiping it. It's very annoying. I want it to stop.

Last week I wrote about judging others...this has been a reminder that I have so much of my own "stuff" to take care of that I really have no time to make the effort to worry about the "stuff" of others.

This morning as I was writing in my journal, again, I was holding a hot towel over my eye to reduce the swelling. I began writing about being part of the "body of Christ". If one part of the body isn't working right, this affects the rest of the body. Seriously, this silly eye has had just such an affect. Last week I wasn't sick, but I just felt miserable most of the week, tired and rundown...I really think it was because of my eye. (It feels better when I am sleeping.) It has affected me emotionally also. I don't want to be around people...it's ugly. Without people, I lose my momentum and joy.

I'm working actively on both of those "lessons" and thanking God for the methods He sometimes uses little irritants to teach me important lessons.